she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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