Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize