So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
