He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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