You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
