i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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