Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
