my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize