Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
