My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
