On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
