you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
