listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
