I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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