ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
