remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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