I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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