if i died would you start the facebook group?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
