So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize