Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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