This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
