I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
