we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
