so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
