in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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