3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
