you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
