every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
