i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
