Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
