May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
