That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
