Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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