i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
