Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
