no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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