You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
