I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
