i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
