So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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