I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize