Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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