no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
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I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
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I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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