my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
