I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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