i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
