if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
