i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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