I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
