My Higher Power is John Stamos
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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