Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
