You're my little dorito
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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