I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
be right there i have to get my cape
Don't tell me you're on acid again
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize