the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.