So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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