none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
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Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire