how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.