I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
