How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.