If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.