Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
