I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
