getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
