On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
