I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
