oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize