There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
