My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
