We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
