This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
