i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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