she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
