I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
