he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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