I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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