I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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