i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
