i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
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The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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