so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
